


Lunchtime Politics

by TheDVirus



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Elections, Fluff, Gossip, Lunch, M/M, Male Friendship, Parades, People Watching, Politics, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-07 01:50:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14070270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDVirus/pseuds/TheDVirus
Summary: Jim and Harvey speculate about the nature of Gotham's new mayor's relationship with his chief of staff while watching a parade.Sixth Prompt for Nygmobblepot Week 2018: 'Mayor and Chief of Staff’





	Lunchtime Politics

‘They gotta be knockin’ boots’, Harvey said suddenly.

Further down the street, the pair could see the mayoral motorcade approaching. If they squinted they could just about make out the figures of Penguin and Nygma standing, waving to the cheering crowds. Harvey had been assigned to the parade as additional security (and by Barnes as a punishment for his third tardy in one month). Jim had been out chasing down leads for his next bounty hunter gig and spotted his former partner which had led to a decision to have lunch while the parade passed.  
Jim wrinkled his nose at the questionable bright blue limited edition mustard the vendor had put on his hot dog in honour of the election and took a hesitant bite.  
Thankfully it tasted no different than regular mustard.

‘They look like they’re waving to me’, Jim replied, following Harvey’s line of vision.

‘Ha ha’, Harvey said sourly, ‘You know what I mean. Look!’

Because of Harvey’s scandalised tone, Jim half expected to see Oswald and Ed locking lips at that very moment. Instead, Ed seemed to simply picking a piece of dust from Oswald’s shoulder attentively.

‘Look at what?’ Jim asked.

‘How he’s fussin’ over Penguin’, Harvey said, gesturing at them with his hotdog, some chopped onions spilling out onto the sidewalk, 'Like a mother hen'.

Jim raised an eyebrow and Harvey sighed exasperatedly at the lack of reaction.

‘Thought you were supposed to be a bounty hunter?’ Harvey asked, ‘Ain’t observational skills part of the job?’

‘Like the fact it’s nearly three o’ clock and you’re still on lunch?’ Jim observed drily. 

‘Which one of ‘em takes it you think?’ Harvey asked, ignoring Jim’s words.

‘’Takes it’?’ Jim asked, amused at Harvey’s blunt way of describing the tender act of physical love.

‘Smart money’s on Nygma’, Harvey said as if discussing a racehorse’s chances, ‘No way Penguin’s takin’ it up the tail feathers from that string bean’.

‘And you talk about me wasting my powers of deduction’, Jim said, leaning his back against the wall behind him, ‘Thanks for the imagery by the way’.

‘They’re gonna try to kill each other sooner or later’.

‘And who’s the ‘smart money’ on there?’

‘Penguin obviously. Can’t blame him. God knows I often wanted to strangle Nygma myself’.

Jim politely ignored the treacherous thought that maybe if Harvey had been more accepting of Ed’s eccentricities in the past it could have saved them a lot of trouble.

‘They don’t look like they wanna kill each other’, Jim said.

‘Of course not. Too many cameras’, Harvey said through a mouthful of hotdog, ‘They know one wrong move and their keisters end up back in the loony bin’.

‘How’d Ed get a clean bill of health anyway?’

Harvey swallowed the last bite of his hotdog and took a sip of coffee.

‘Apparently Mr First Citizen there had words with the warden’, he replied.

‘Just words?’

‘Also introduced him to his old friends’, Harvey said, flicking Jim a quarter as a demonstration, ‘George, Abe and Benjy’.

‘They can be very convincing’, Jim conceded, flicking the coin back, ‘Wish I saw them more often’.

‘You and me both brother. I could do with seein’ less of this’.

The procession had finally reached their position. Jim watched as Oswald deliberately flashed them a cheery ‘v for victory’ sign with cold eyes. Ed smiled at them as well but with a mocking, satisfied curl to his lip. He was enjoying every second of lording it over them but if Oswald felt the same he was keeping his expression carefully in check. Perhaps he truly had found his true calling in politics.  
Unlike Jim, who right now was doing everything in his power to not think about returning to his empty apartment.  
Beside Jim, Harvey waved back at the couple with a cheesy smile on his face. Jim winced as there an audible crack from Harvey’s clenched jaw.

‘Really grinds my gears seeing people cheerin’ for those two murderin’ psychos’, Harvey growled, scowling at the pair’s retreating backs, ‘A match made in Hell. Only in Gotham’.

‘As long as Gotham’s gears keep turning, does it matter who’s in charge?’

‘Don’t try to sell me that ‘lone wolf’ act and don’t tell me it doesn’t bug you’, Harvey retorted.

‘I haven’t been paying much attention to this circus’, Jim said, waving a hand at the crowd, ‘Easier not to when City Hall’s not payin’ my rent’. 

Jim rolled his eyes as both Ed and Oswald glanced over their shoulder at he and Harvey and burst into mutual hysterical laughter.

Jim disliked Oswald (on both a personal and professional level) though sometimes he pitied him and at a stretch could almost respect him for constantly overcoming the odds.  
He had never expected to be envious of him.  
Or the obvious, easy affection between he and Ed. He could forgive Harvey’s doubts at the authenticity of the relationship: love required empathy and sacrifice and Jim couldn’t imagine any scenario in which Oswald would choose Ed over saving his own skin. But then why bother with the charade? Why not keep it professional? Was it just a cynical way to win votes: a show for the cameras like Harvey thought? If so they were very good actors.  
Jim wondered how a relationship could suit two psychopaths while his and Lee’s... Jim’s brow furrowed. He knew to draw comparisons was extremely petty and childishly raging at the unfairness of the world never helped anything. But right now, he felt lower than he ever had and the hotdog he had eaten was stirring unpleasantly in his stomach.  
He wondered how long Ed and Oswald had been together. Had they been acquainted before Ed had found Penguin dying in the woods and their co-habitation had subsequently blossomed into something more? Had Jim’s ‘betrayal’ of Oswald been the catalyst for Ed framing him? An act of vengeance for the harm Jim had caused to the man Ed loved? It made sense: there was no other reason Ed would have risked his career and reputation. If that was the case, Jim considered them even.  
Lee was happy and Oswald was happy. Everybody got what they wanted.  
Except him.  
He took a swig of coffee, trying to focus on the somehow therapeutic pain of it burning his throat instead of the familiar nagging ache in his chest, hoping the warm beverage would settle his stomach.

But seeing Oswald smile up at Ed as Ed whispered something into his ear, Jim was stung by the memory of Lee laughing at his bad jokes.

‘Do you know somethin’?’

‘Huh?’ Jim asked, Harvey’s question breaking through his increasingly melancholic thoughts.

‘I know that look’, Harvey smirked knowingly, ‘You’re holdin’ somethin’ back. You got dirt on those two don’t you?’

‘No more than you or the papers do’.

Jim tilted his head towards a pile of papers on a nearby newsstand. Nearly every one of them had some columnist offering an opinion piece about the mayor and his new chief of staff. None of them were about the appropriateness of a crime boss being Gotham’s mayor. They were all theories about if Oswald and Ed were dating and what the existence of such a ‘progressive’ relationship meant for Gotham. To Jim, there was nothing 'progressive' about two known criminals and murderers running the city. Harvey was right: only in Gotham. 

‘Tabloids aren’t exactly hard evidence’, Jim concluded.

‘Then why hasn’t Penguin said somethin’? Everyone’s talkin’ about it’.

‘There’s a saying: ‘only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about’. Penguin’s gotta be enjoying the gossip and Ed probably doesn’t even notice it’.

‘Speakin’ of gossip, this’ll tickle ya’, Harvey said, holding his hand up to his mouth as if divulging a secret, ‘Lee decked Nygma the other day in HQ’.

‘She did?’

‘Oh yeah. He was literally smiling out the other side of his smug face. She knocked one set of eyes clean off him. Probly why he ain’t wearin’ ‘em today’.

‘Why was Nygma at HQ?’

‘Came in on Penguin’s orders about that ‘Red Hood’ wild goose chase. Word is he bumped into Lee, talked some shit about Kristen and she socked him one. He tried to say he’d sic Penguin on her and she said he could try but her mafia boyfriend was bigger than his and-Oh’.

Harvey savagely scrunched up his hotdog wrapper, shaking his head dolefully.

‘Oh geez’, he sighed, ‘Sorry Jim’.

‘It’s fine’.

‘I didn’t mean to-‘

‘Harv’, Jim said sternly before softening his tone, ‘I’m okay. Really’.

Harvey nodded, shoulders shifting uncomfortably. He held out his hand for Jim’s half eaten hotdog and Jim passed it to him, his appetite stone dead.

‘You know what?’ Harvey said, towing their garbage into a nearby trashcan, ‘Maybe it’s best you don’t tell me what you know about those two. May bring that hotdog back up sour. Can I give ya a ride home?’

‘You’re still on duty’.

‘My watch is still busted’, Harvey said, defeatedly shaking his perfectly working watch, ‘Besides let’s be honest, the good people of Gotham standing around us are like a thousand percent safer now the parade’s moved on’.

‘Good point. In that case, sure, why not?’

They walked around the corner to Harvey’s car. As they got in and buckled up, Harvey turned to Jim.

‘Jim, one last thing and then I swear I won’t say anything else’, Harvey said but didn’t wait for an answer, ‘If you ever wanna talk about…well, I’m all ears. Okay?’

‘Thanks brother’, Jim said, offering a smile even as an idea for a prank surfaced in his mind, ‘I do have something I wanna talk about’.

‘Yeah?’ Harvey asked, accomplishing the impressive feat of reversing without looking with a takeout coffee still in one hand.

‘Like about how it must’ve been a tight squeeze’.

‘Huh?’

‘I just realised when Penguin was staying with Ed, uh', Jim said airily, awaiting Harvey's inevitably priceless reaction, 'There was only one bed’.

‘Oh’, Harvey said, eyes widening at the implications, ‘So they are…uh…wow. Who knew?’

Jim waited until Harvey was taking a gulp of coffee before adding in as serious a tone as he could manage:-  
‘I also know Ed calls him his ‘little bird’ and likes to make him sing’.

Harvey choked and spat, coffee smacking into the windshield as he coughed, tears streaming down his face.

‘Dammit Jim!’


End file.
